Dear Expert Guide,

How should I deal with critics, and did I play this hand correctly? I am a 24 year-old college student in Iowa. I play in cardrooms every couple of weeks. Occasionally I play more if my schedule permits. I usually play in 5/10 or 10/20 games. I have played poker for about 10 years with a great amount of success, although 90% of this experience is with inferior competition. I have had quite a bit of success "breaking" new games. I am always polite as I have always been taught to respect my elders, and most other players are. Usually after a few hours, there is much animosity toward me by everyone except the dealers. Again, I am always polite towards the others. I know why they're mad, but how should I handle it?

Here is an example. This happened to me about a month ago in a 10/20 hold'em game. I had been playing fairly aggressive from late position, and otherwise tight, with the exception of my blinds all day. I was defending my big blind about 75% of the time. I held 6-2 of clubs in the big blind. An older gentleman raised the pot from early position, three players called, and I called, as the pot odds to see the flop were certainly there. The flop came 6h-4c-5c. The raiser bet, one player called, and I called. The turn brought the 6s. The raiser again bet, the other player called on what I suspect was a club draw, I raised, the initial raiser called while yelling at me. The other player folded. The river brought a rag. The initial raiser check-called. showed his pocket kings and slung them into the muck. I scooped a nice pot. Am I missing something? The player started yelling at me to "Just keep playing that shit." I calmly explained that I was defending my big blind. One solid player came to my defense. The player then played one more hand until his blinds came up and left. But not before wishing me "luck."

As I said, this is not the first time this has happened to me. Should I just sit there and take abuse? Or should I defend my self against this?

Best Regards, Bill

(Those of you who get the WNP newsletter have already read part of my answer to Bill, because his question about abuse was worth a whole issue. If you have read that, I still encourage you to read this answer, because I get into some details here I didn't have room for in WNP. I also discuss Bill's strategy.)

First off, Bill,

I think you played this particular hand perfectly. Although I think that your overall figure of defending the big blind 75% of the time is definitely too high--don't forget, not only do you have to flop something, you're out of position the whole hand--with four other players already in, most of them likely in with big cards, you do indeed have the pot odds to take a look with this hand, and of course you flopped a monster with top pair, an inside straight draw, flush draw and inside straight flush draw. There's an argument in favor of check-raising the flop, but I wouldn't. I don't think you'd lose anyone, and you want them to pay you off, particularly if a three or a six hits (your flush probably wins, but it's also easy to lose to a bigger flush).

The bigger issue, though, is how to handle the abuse, and the answer is, it depends on what your goals are. If you goal is to win as much money as possible, you shouldn't turn to the abuser and quickly list all the reasons why your play was right and he just got unlucky. Why educate an opponent? For monetary purposes, it's better he should think you're a fool who he will want to play with again, and you'll certainly get him to pay you off when you hold AA or KK or the like.

Iowa games must be a bit odd, if you are polite (and you certainly sound that way) and "there is much animosity towards you" just because you are winning. In most of the games I play in, if a winner is gracious, there are rarely more than one or two jerks who hate him just because he's winning. If I'm running over a game, I try to be gracious without going all the way to patronizing, because people can sense when they are being patronized and dislike that even more than being criticized. If you talk about your results at all, talk about how it's fun to have a day when the cards are hitting you like this, rather than how much better you play than your opponents, although from what you wrote, you don't sound like the kind of guy who would be lording it over the losers.

As far as handling the guy who had pocket kings cracked, we've all been there, on both sides of it. Especially when one's cards have not been running that well, when you finally pick up a big hand and see it get knocked off by 6-2 suited, it's easy to have an emotional outburst. You don't need to respond at all, but a shrug and a meek "big blind" should be all you need to say/do.

The key is, there is nothing you can say at that particular moment that is going to make your opponent feel better. He's lost with a big hand and is upset and he's going to stay that way until his own emotional equilibrium gets back in balance. Were he a better player, he'd already understand why you had the pot odds, and that his KK is a clear underdog to win the hand against four opponents. That doesn't mean he shouldn't play it, of course; he's the betting favorite, but just as the favorite in a horserace often goes off at odds of 2-1 against, his KK will win less than 50% of the time. But he isn't good enough or calm enough to realize that, and he just needs to let off some steam.

Next question: SHOULD you be trying to "make him feel better" when his kings get cracked? I have mixed feelings about this one. As someone who likes to be kind to my fellow human beings, I'd rather not see one upset. On the other hand, poker is a competitive game, not peace, love, and mother's milk. I think the main POKER reason to try to keep the game and the players happy is that happy players are usually happy gamblers and happy gamblers are usually losing poker players. A table where players are laughing and joking is usually a gold mine. A grumbling, nasty table is not only not much fun (a relevant consideration, because most of us don't play just for the money), but is harder to beat.

For that reason alone, I think the players who intentionally try to irritate others are making a big mistake, to say nothing of their social worthlessness. Intentionally irritating one particular opponent might be correct, money-wise, in certain rare situations, but against most players and for the long haul, it is not good for poker or for one's wallet. If the losing players also have to listen to BS from players who think they're smart to put their opponents on tilt, eventually the losing players won't return. Intentionally irritating opponents is a short-term strategy usually employed by people who can't figure out any other way to win.

My best answer then, is just to let him blow off steam with a minimum of commentary on your part, and don't assume he's a jerk because he yelled at you once. If he keeps it up, that's different, but he still sounds like someone you want in your game.

I too have left tables when I have been losing and just after getting a big hand cracked. I think there are valid reasons to go. Someone who has been losing is an easier target than someone who has been winning. Usually he isn't playing his best game just then. I'm not yet a poker robot, and while it would be better to be a robot, I make a better decision to leave the table if I suspect some form of tilt coming on than to keep playing. This fellow may have been doing the same thing. I doubt there's anything you could have said to him that would have kept him in his seat.

It's not fun to be the subject of criticism. If your opponent was any good, he'd realize that if you really were a bad player, he would be making a big mistake by educating you or by getting you upset enough to leave. The guys who "just keep playing that shit" are EXACTLY who Mr. KK should want in the game, if indeed their plays are bad (as yours would have been if you'd called even one bet cold in early position, or defended your blind against a lone raiser). The whiners are the losers, usually, and they aren't sophisticated enough to realize they prove their own mediocrity with their criticisms. If your Iowa opponents get mad at you every time you win, they may sense that you're a nice enough guy that you don't like to play in that atmosphere, and they want to run you off. Just be your friendly self, and let them deal with their own emotional problems.

Unless your self-esteem is awfully strong, it's still not fun to listen to the criticism, but it is fun carrying five racks of chips to the cashier window, so keep up the good work.

Andy Glazer